Kao što mnogi od vas znaju, programeri su čudna bića. Malo ko ih zaista razume, a stvari koje njima deluju savršeno smisleno, nikome drugom nemaju smisla. Ipak, oni su nužno zlo i bez njih se ne može.
Situacija se dodatno komplikuje ako je potrebno da jednog zamenite drugim. Ta tranzicija nikada nije jednostavna, brza i bez posledica. Ipak, ključ za olakšavanje i ubrzavanje tog process je standardizacija njihovog posla u startu, dokumentovanje i komentarisanje koda. Komentari su tu da bi se programeri lakše orijentisali u okviru postojećeg kola, da bi brže nalazili šta ima treba i slično. Ipak, ponekad su ti komentari u kodu čisti dragulji…
* For the brave souls who get this far: You are the chosen ones,
* the valiant knights of programming who toil away, without rest,
* fixing our most awful code. To you, true saviors, kings of men,
* I say this: never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down,
* never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry,
* never gonna say goodbye. Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
Poruka za budućnost:
// Dear maintainer:
// Once you are done trying to 'optimize' this routine,
// and have realized what a terrible mistake that was,
// please increment the following counter as a warning
// to the next guy:
// total_hours_wasted_here = 42
Česti problemi sa memorijom…
// When I wrote this, only God and I understood what I was doing
// Now, God only knows
Žurka može da počne…
stop(); // Hammertime!
// I dedicate all this code, all my work, to my wife, Darlene, who will
// have to support me and our three children and the dog once it gets
// released into the public.
// somedev1 - 6/7/02 Adding temporary tracking of Login screen
// somedev2 - 5/22/07 Temporary my ass
Svakodnevne životne situacije…
// drunk, fix later
Kada vam je unapred žao…
// I'm sorry.
Teške životne istine…
* You may think you know what the following code does.
* But you dont. Trust me.
* Fiddle with it, and youll spend many a sleepless
* night cursing the moment you thought youd be clever
* enough to "optimize" the code below.
* Now close this file and go play with something else.
Kada programer otvori dušu…
// At this point, I'd like to take a moment to speak to you about the Adobe PSD
// format. PSD is not a good format. PSD is not even a bad format. Calling it
// such would be an insult to other bad formats, such as PCX or JPEG. No, PSD
// is an abysmal format. Having worked on this code for several weeks now, my
// hate for PSD has grown to a raging fire that burns with the fierce passion
// of a million suns.
// If there are two different ways of doing something, PSD will do both, in
// different places. It will then make up three more ways no sane human would
// think of, and do those too. PSD makes inconsistency an art form. Why, for
// instance, did it suddenly decide that *these* particular chunks should be
// aligned to four bytes, and that this alignement should *not* be included in
// the size? Other chunks in other places are either unaligned, or aligned with
// the alignment included in the size. Here, though, it is not included. Either
// one of these three behaviours would be fine. A sane format would pick one.
// PSD, of course, uses all three, and more.
// Trying to get data out of a PSD file is like trying to find something in the
// attic of your eccentric old uncle who died in a freak freshwater shark
// attack on his 58th birthday. That last detail may not be important for the
// purposes of the simile, but at this point I am spending a lot of time
// imagining amusing fates for the people responsible for this Rube Goldberg of
// a file format.
// Earlier, I tried to get a hold of the latest specs for the PSD file format.
// To do this, I had to apply to them for permission to apply to them to have
// them consider sending me this sacred tome. This would have involved faxing
// them a copy of some document or other, probably signed in blood. I can only
// imagine that they make this process so difficult because they are intensely
// ashamed of having created this abomination. I was naturally not gullible
// enough to go through with this procedure, but if I had done so, I would have
// printed out every single page of the spec, and set them all on fire. Were it
// within my power, I would gather every single copy of those specs, and launch
// them on a spaceship directly into the sun.
// PSD is not my favourite file format.
// If this comment is removed the program will blow up
Iskrenost je takođe važna…
// I am not sure if we need this, but too scared to delete.
Kao i zaključci…
// I have to find a better job
// hack for ie browser (assuming that ie is a browser)
last = first; /* Biblical reference */
This isn't the right way to deal with this, but today is my last day, Ron
just spilled coffee on my desk, and I'm hungry, so this will have to do...
return 12; // 12 is my lucky number
Važne životne lekcije:
/* Mark: If there's one thing you learn from this code, it is this...
Never, ever fly Air France. Their customer service is absolutely
the worst. I've never heard the words "That's not my problem" as
many times as I have from their staff -- It should, without doubt
be their corporate motto if it isn't already. Don't bother giving
them business because you're just a pain in their side and they
will be sure to let you know the first time you speak to them.
If you ever want to make me happy just tell me that you, too, will
never fly Air France again either (in spite of their excellent
Update by oej: The merger with KLM has transferred this
behaviour to KLM as well.
Don't bother giving them business either...
Only if you want to travel randomly without luggage, you
might pick either of them.
// If this code works, it was written by Paul DiLascia. If not, I don't know
// who wrote it
Važna upozorenja za običnu populaciju:
/* NOT FIT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION */